Thursday, July 28, 2011

Pants for sort-of winners! -Unsubstantial fashion tips from a mildly clothing-conscious individual

     I have a problem. It's embarrassing and serious and I'm not sure what to do about it. Admitting this to all of you is one of the hardest things I've ever done, so please forgive me, try not to judge me and I believe we can all get through this together.

     *sigh* Okay here it goes... I want a pair of Pajama Jeans.

    Have you seen these things? Nowadays I rarely trade style for comfort except at work where I don't give a rat's ass, but COME ON, how can I not have these?

   I am usually against anything sold on TV, usually because I've sold it, and it's all crap. I mean seriously, if I had no soul and didn't mind selling people stuff to solve hypothetical problems that no one really has (The EZ Cracker? really? If you can't manage to crack an egg without help you have no business cooking them) then I would be all over the infomercial business.
     But these things.. look awesome. There, I said it, judge away. Plus they come with a Free T-shirt. I love free T-shirts, and have the closet to prove it. 
     Of course the advertising for them has already gotten out of hand. 

       Bike girl looks ridiculous, and who wants to look like they're wearing jeans in that situation anyway? Plus she's still wearing her work-out top, which sort of defeats the purpose "That's right fellas, I work out in jeans. I sweat a lot, enjoy being uncomfortable, and am unaware of the proper attire for everyday situations. Don't you want some of this?"
    I can't even decide if it's business on top and party on the bottom or vice-verse. Depends on the party I guess.
    Anyway, I was totally against Pajama Jeans, until we got them in at work and I felt them. These things are awesome. All I can envision is how much better my life would be if I had these to wear to my morning classes, or while standing at the counter at work all day. My next goal is to find slippers that look like regular shoes. They exist, I know but they cost more than I've ever spent on an actual pair of shoes, which leads me to the downside of my issue here: Pajama Jeans retail for $39.95. 
   The most I've ever spent on real jeans is around 50 dollars (because I'm classy) and I was appalled at the price of these pseudo-jeans. Shouldn't fake jeans be half the price of regular jeans? Or is my problem that I'm not spending enough money on my actual jeans? 
     But come on you guys, how many times have you held up a pair of brand new distressed skinny jeans and then held up some old sweatpants and had to delve far to deep into your own psyche and ask yourself that one question: Do I act like I don't care what other people think today, or do I actually stop caring what other people think today? Pajama Jeans are the pants you wear when you feel bloated and gross but still care what other people think but are trying to act like you don't care while maintaining some semblance of current fashion trends but also being snug as a bug in a freaking rug. They come in "Skinny Jean" style now too, so all the comfort seeking hipsters can get on this boat.
   When I'm rich and famous and less self-conscious I will own a pair of these, and I will own them. I'll strut around the city in them and when people stare and whisper "Is that chick actually wearing Pajama Jeans?" I will look them straight in the eye and give them that wink/eyebrow shrug as if to say "You bet your boots I am and they are damn sexy!" Remember that once upon a time Harem pants were cool, and these can be too.

        Completely unrelated notes: I was informed by a reader (possibly my mother but I'll never tell) that there is now an ad for umbilical cord banking on my blog. I can't decide if I should stop writing about babies or just take down the ads, which seem to be growing creepier over time, and serve no other purpose.

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